HUMOR PICS | Humor-Pics.com - Simply the Best Clean Humor Site

Humor-Pics.com - Simply the Best Clean Humor Site

Hilarious Jokes

Scotch A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks "this guy doesn't know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch. The patron ... 1 2 3 4 5	More Definitions Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other. Divorce: Future tense of marriage. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the ... 1 2 3 4 5
Witty Signs Vets office: "all unattended children given free kitten" Plumber: "We repair what your husband fixed." Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one Weak." At a tire ... 1 2 3 4 5	Dearly Departed A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be ... 1 2 3 4 5
Another Bad Wish A man exploring the ancient Pyramids of Egypt while on vacation stumbled across a secret room. He sneaked away from the tour group and explored the room. He found a dusty lamp and picked it up. While ... 1 2 3 4 5	Illness And Fatigue I noticed the neighbor down the street was home every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." A few weeks ... 1 2 3 4 5
Red Ring A man goes to his doctor and says, "Doctor, Doctor, please help me! I've got a problem." The doctor examines the man and finds the man has a red ring around his penis. The doctor gives him ... 1 2 3 4 5	Stress Relievers Stress Reliever # 1 Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem ... 1 2 3 4 5
Weather Forecasting It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the ... 1 2 3 4 5	Solving A Dispute Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It?s my nut!" The first squirrel ... 1 2 3 4 5
Costume Party A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs from the ... 1 2 3 4 5	The American Way The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle ... 1 2 3 4 5
A Talking Pig! One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for ... 1 2 3 4 5	Astrological After-sex Comments Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!" Taurus: "I'm hungry pass the pizza." Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?" Cancer: "When are we getting married?" Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?" ... 1 2 3 4 5
Adapted Turtle Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly ... 1 2 3 4 5	Young Lesbian A young lesbian goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvic examination. She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come into the exam room. He instructs her to get up onto the table and place ... 1 2 3 4 5
What Do I Look Like? A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The ... 1 2 3 4 5	Tell Me This... Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed? Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'? ... 1 2 3 4 5
The Smith's The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower and the family included Senators and Wall Street Wizards. The family decided to ... 1 2 3 4 5	Angry Golfer The other day I was playing golf and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded ... 1 2 3 4 5